no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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