Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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