I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
