Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
