I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I look better un-naked...
it's like iHOP with fire
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just pee around me
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
