She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
