what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
