He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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