Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize
