There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
