btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
