Whatcha textin bout Willis?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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