Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
