I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Such a big mess for such a small penis
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize