Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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