remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
