At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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