I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You are the jesus of drinking
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize