Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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