it was like his penis was on wheels.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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