it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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