got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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