Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
