hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
