Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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