Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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