Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
