This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
