i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
