so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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