Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
