I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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