u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
