u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize