I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
