Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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