last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Shame is for Republicans.
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