You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I had to cum in my sink.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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