I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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