My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
