come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
