Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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