Swine flu. Run for my life!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Welp...herpes.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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