I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
