Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
