You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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