I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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