if only i could text you this smell
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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