no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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