Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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