I showed him my bush... on skype.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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