Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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