I faked an abortion last night.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
