I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
