He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
