you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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