Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
