the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
why do cheetos always look like penises
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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