My nipple is on Facebook.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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