If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
someone owes me an orgasm
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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