I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
