we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
