What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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