his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
