Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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