we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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