ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
