the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Need sex. Gaining weight.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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