I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
